just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
So vagazzling was a success
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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