In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
