I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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