He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
