So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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