I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
