Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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