I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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