Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
