i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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