It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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