you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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