i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
