Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
When did angry sex become our thing?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
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