I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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