just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
