Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
