If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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