Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
