You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
