I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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