The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
