I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
