the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
