The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
