If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
he fucked my hip out of place.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
