dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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