Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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