watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
