im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
