I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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