I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
