just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
