This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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