If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
