Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
