In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
