Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
