I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
