How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
