Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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