You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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