you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
