Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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