who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
