He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
