He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The uberlube is also flammable
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
