I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I have feelings that need drinking.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
