I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
