So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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