the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
